Class Conferencing - Description - Adam's Writing

#2

Our writing focus for this term is: Description.

We had had an earlier discussion 

about going to the beach in class.

   

Miss White decided that our next piece of writing would be using our experiences to describe what it was like at a beach, as there are children who live in the middle of some BIG countries who do not have the easy access to beaches like we do in New Zealand. 

Photo sourced by GNS Science.

Adam offered to have his writing 

conferenced by the class on this occasion.

Here is his original piece of writing.

His writing was then edited by the 

class for further description (in red)

and he continued to edit his writing 

himself to make it more descriptive (in blue.)

Here is his completed piece 
of descriptive writing.