Roller Coaster Ride - Discriptive Writing

Describing a Scary
Roller Coaster Ride

We are currently learning to describe settings and characters.

We have been doing this by considering what we notice with our 5 senses, and to think carefully 

about the choices of language (language features) that we use to 'paint a picture' with our words.

To begin our latest piece of writing we watched these two videos....

We stopped after the first 20 seconds of the first video to discuss how we would be feeling at this point and what our senses would be noticing.  We discussed our level of tension at this point and the language we could use to help us to share this with our audience.

We then watched the next video...


Miss White asked us to watch the boys facial expressions and body language very carefully.
Which things in particular 'show' you how he is feeling?
Your audience for your story can't see a video of your writing.
Which words are you going to use to help them see this picture in their heads with such detail?





Wasn't that video gorgeous!  Miss White loves watching it.  The boys feelings are very obvious to see and we can very clearly identify when his feelings change by his facial expressions (pure fear in his eyes/laughing) and his body language (gripping the bar for dear life/not capable of answering his companion).  It is a very expressive video.

Room 2 was then asked to write a piece of writing describing a roller coaster ride, through making connections to your own experiences, making connections to these feelings and/ or using the boys own experience.

'A time I was proud' - Joel's personal experience writing.

Personal Writing

I was on my first race at the 2011 BMX Nationals. 

The snap of the gate came at last, BANG!  We were off and I was in 3rd position, pedaling as fast as I could.  
  We were going up to the first jump WHAEE!  BANG!  I hit the second part of the jump, slowing me down but still in third place.  My parents were shouting “ GO JOEL!” 

  I came up to the third strait.  Going up, going down, going down, down, down.  Coming into the last corner…  BANG!  SMASH!  BOOM!   ‘I got past them two’, I thought to myself.  

  I was on the last strait pumping my arms and legs.  Now I was on the last jump AHHH!  My pedal suddenly hit the jump. I recovered just in time.  VICTORY IS MINE, I thought.  
I was heading back to the gazebo and my dad was screaming “YOU BEAT NZ’s NUMBER 2!”   

 - Joel

Describing a setting - 2111

Our latest piece of writing is describing what we think we would 

notice around us if we were to awaken and walk outside in the year 2111.

We have a class axolotl which can be incubated in the fridge.  

Its body temperature lowers so that it hardly needs to eat at all, but its still alive.

We imagined that we got encased in ice and were able to live in an incubated
state in the same way.  If we were to thaw out in 100 years time
what do you think we would notice?

Room 2 have begun to plan what they think they would experience if they
woke up in the year 2111.  Looking back over the progress of technology
in the past 100 years, it is fascinating to try to imagine how things
may develop over the next 100 years.

Watch this space...
Imaginative descriptive writing to come!

Describing a setting - Waterfall

Describing a

We have been learning about descriptive language.  

To help us to consider how to best describe a setting, 

we first used a setting that we are familiar with - a waterfall.

We used our senses to begin gathering the descriptive language we might use.

Hear, Smell, See, Feel, Taste...

We then created a descriptive paragraph using these ideas.

Ada decided that she was going to write about what her senses would notice in the order above as that is the order that her senses would recognise those things if she were walking towards a waterfall in a forest herself.

Here are some of our examples...

You can hear water gurgling.  As you get closer the smell of mud goes up your nostrils and when you get there the water is flat and sparkling and smooth like glass.
If you stood under the water you would feel the water and sometimes you could feel little rocks tumbling down onto your shoulders.
The water tastes fresh.
- Conner

Do you think when you are beside a waterfall that it is silent?  Well, it’s not.  
You hear water crashing against rocks.  You hear water falling and big splashing noises.  The splashing noises are from water crashing against more water.  You also hear birds singing a lot, its sounds nice. We see water falling and lots of birds flying above.  You taste muddy water, dirt and fresh water.  Smell, what do you smell?  You smell fresh water and nature.
- Kadie

When you go to a waterfall you hear crashing water.  You see lovely sparkles in the water.  When it is a sunny day you can feel water trickling through your fingers.  You can smell disgusting mud.  You can taste delicious water.
- Bradley

You can hear leaves swishing in the wind, splashing noises from when the water heavily hits the pond and birds cheeping.  You can see water falling off the cliff, a little pool of water and lots of vegetation.  You can smell the dirt, fresh water and leaves - all the vegetation.  Sometimes it can taste of dirt.  You can smell saltyish smells and you can smell a lot of nectar.  You can feel prickly bushes and icy-cold water.  You can taste dirt, salt, sticks and fresh water.
- Kat

A waterfall is a humongous part of a forest.  You can even hear it going crash, crash, crash against the rocks.  You could feel your veins getting stronger and stronger with the crashing.  You might even see the clear water.  When you see through the clear water you can see rocks through the water.  
- Reihana

(More will follow shortly...)

Class Conferencing - Description - Adam's Writing

#2

Our writing focus for this term is: Description.

We had had an earlier discussion 

about going to the beach in class.

   

Miss White decided that our next piece of writing would be using our experiences to describe what it was like at a beach, as there are children who live in the middle of some BIG countries who do not have the easy access to beaches like we do in New Zealand. 

Photo sourced by GNS Science.

Adam offered to have his writing 

conferenced by the class on this occasion.

Here is his original piece of writing.

His writing was then edited by the 

class for further description (in red)

and he continued to edit his writing 

himself to make it more descriptive (in blue.)

Here is his completed piece 
of descriptive writing.

Class Conferencing - Description - Joel's Writing

Our writing focus for this term is: Description.
As a class we discussed what description is and why its important to include it in our writing to enable our audience to get a picture in their heads from our words.

The children next choose one of the four topics given to them...
* Something that happened over the Christmas holidays
* My favourite Christmas present
* My first day at school
* My favourite toy
...and wrote about it, remembering what their focus is.


Joel offered to have his writing conferenced by the class.
Here is his original piece of writing.
His writing was then edited by the class for further description (in blue)
and he continued to edit his writing himself to make it more descriptive (in red.)
This is his more descriptive piece of writing.

Thanks for sharing your writing with us, Joel!

Setting the Scene - The Cave

After considering engaging story starters and hooking in our readers,

we moved on to describing a setting.

We discussed how we could consider our senses when describing the setting,

enabling our reader to visualize the image we wish them to see in clear detail.

The Cave

It was a dim gloomy afternoon in the cave. The sharp bumpy stalactites were hanging from the walls. I was scared that they were going to fall on me.

I rubbed my hand along the cave walls. It felt rough and cold. I quickly pulled my hand off then, all of a sudden, I heard a screeching sound. Not any human screeching!

It was bats. I was petrified of bats!

Then whoosh, a sudden brush of blackness rushed past me. Once it was gone I saw the most beautiful thing ever. The glow worms. They were so bright and twinkly they were like a colossal chandelier.

I stood there. Just stood there gazing at them for a while then, realising what I was doing, carried on and came to a little stream with little white fish in it. They were gleaming away. I decided to follow it. On and on it went for ages when suddenly it came up to a tight squeeze. I got down on my hands and knees and touched the ground. It felt slimy and sticky. I tried to lift my hand up but it was stuck! Then I saw a small flicker of a flame.

Someone was there!

- Chloe

I could hear a squeal, it wasn't a person, echoing through the cave. Bats! Bats are always squealing. I turned on my torch, thanks to the glow worms who helped me see where my torch was, and saw the bats before they suddenly came crashing against me...

- Chelsea

All I could hear were my footsteps getting louder and louder. I saw glow worms twinkling their way up the golden, damp clay wall. I got shivers going down my spine. Then, all of a sudden, I heard a splash.

"Ahhh, hello?" I said, but it just echoed around the cave.

Then all of a sudden I heard "beak, beak," and a big bat just flew right over top of me. But when it was a meter away from me it turned around.

"Oh, no," I said to myself.

It charged like a rocket, so I quickly ducked and ran...

- Grace

I look inside the cave. It looks like there are monsters inside it because of the shape of the rocks.

I run my hands against the wall.

"Aww!" My hand hit a little sharp spike...

- Kurtis

As I walked into the massive cave it suddenly felt cold. It got darker and darker until it was pitch black. Then I suddenly saw bright glow worms shining up some sharp stalagmites and stalactites. They were my only way of getting around. The walls were damp and I could hear dripping. I thought it must be water.

The glow worms were gone but I could tell that the walls were getting more narrow. I could hear my footsteps and I had a feeling I wasn't alone. I could hear bats flapping their wings and rats scurrying around. The cave stunk of dead animals.

By now I was completely lost. There was a musty, sour taste in the air. The ground was really mushy and slippery and I wasn't sure if it was mud or sea creatures.

Finally, I found somewhere to sleep but you guessed it, I couldn't sleep. I tried to find a comfortable rock but they were too mossy...

- Lachlan

In a massive cave of darkness and foul unbathed rats, of mustiness, dampness, moldiness and fungus stabbed by staligmites (spikes coming up from the floor) you can see tiny specks of light called glowworms. They light your way deeper and deeper into the cave. Things you hear are amplified, like your footsteps and the flapping of bats wings. At the end there are rubies that glow blood-red in the shape of a mouth.

Suddenly it's hard to breathe. I taste sourness. I turn. The glowworm's lights go out and it's pitch black . I hear something to the left. I walk there and see a bold light of water pouring to a bottomless pit. I am relieved there is no more darkness...

- Jason

The walls were damp and mossy. I licked my hand, it tasted sour and salty put together. I could hear the whistle from the wind. I felt scared and unprotected.

As I walked more into the cave the air became heavier, so I had to take big breaths. It also became blacker, so black that I couldn't see my hand that was probably only 1cm in front of my face! The only thing I could see were glow worms. They shone bright greeny-yellow.

"Aaahh, aahh, aah, ah. Wow, wow, wow, wow!" My echo went.

The earthy smell came up around me...

- Cerianne

"Woah, a cave."

I go on in it. It looks black and scary. I cannot see my own hands and feet. I have to find my way around by putting my hand out in front of me...

- James