A time I was worried... - Ada's Personal Experience Writing

At the New Plymouth Warehouse me and my family were shopping when suddenly I was worried sick, nervous and scared all at the same time because my family was out of sight.There I was knees knocking, eyes turning into lakes, butterflies in my stomach and millions of unanswered questions floating in my mind."Where are they?  What are they doing?  Have they gone back to the car?"Without knowing what I was doing I chewed my knuckles.  I heard my heart pumping, joyful people chattering and laughing with others. But I was feeling the opposite way.- Ada

Class Conferencing - Description - Adam's Writing

#2

Our writing focus for this term is: Description.

We had had an earlier discussion 

about going to the beach in class.

   

Miss White decided that our next piece of writing would be using our experiences to describe what it was like at a beach, as there are children who live in the middle of some BIG countries who do not have the easy access to beaches like we do in New Zealand. 

Photo sourced by GNS Science.

Adam offered to have his writing 

conferenced by the class on this occasion.

Here is his original piece of writing.

His writing was then edited by the 

class for further description (in red)

and he continued to edit his writing 

himself to make it more descriptive (in blue.)

Here is his completed piece 
of descriptive writing.